The JBF Talk's to Ashton's Mom

Date: 
Tuesday, May 28, 2019 - 15:30

There is something special about Ashton. I love all the children, but sometimes, there’s a special something that is unexplainable. His mom describes him as a ‘light’ and honestly, I think that’s the most accurate word to describe him. I have had the pleasure of hearing him sing one of my favourite gospel songs ‘Break Every Chain’ and with such intensity, and I am certain his chains will be broken.

JBF talks had the pleasure of chatting with his mom, and her love for him shone as bright as the sun, the ultimate light.

 

Embracing Motherhood

Motherhood is not something I took lightly.

In the beginning, I was very excited to be a mother; I always wanted a child. I wasn’t very close with my mother growing up. It wasn’t that we didn’t talk but, we were always far apart because I stayed by my other family a lot. Even though we were not very close, I still learned something from my parents. I felt such a disconnect from my mother growing up and thus, I never wanted my children to feel that way with me. I told myself that I would make sure that my children always felt my presence, even if I was not around—“Mommy is just a phone call away.”  Although Ashton would have taken up a lot of my attention, I always tried to make time for my other children.

Ashton is everything I dreamed of, he is a light in my life and we have a special bond. There is not a day that I wake up, without thanking God for my son. Even when I am going through stress, he puts a smile on my face—regardless of how bad it may seem. We undoubtedly have a special connection.

It was very challenging when he became sick, but I still couldn’t be away from him. One night, his father stayed with him and I felt like I was missing a piece of myself. We have such a strong bond that when we are apart, I cannot function, and he cannot function. Once, his teacher called me saying, “Ashton said he cannot do work because his mommy is not here to do work with him and that he misses you.”

And Then There Were Two

His sister, Kayla, got an ear infection while Ashton was in the hospital. Kayla had to go through six surgeries and many months in the hospital, but still, they believe there was a 50% chance she would be able to hear. Now, I have two of my children that need my constant attention. It was hard for me because I was devastated when Ashton got cancer and now, my daughter was sick. There was not enough of mommy to go around then, I had to decide who I spent more time with. Ashton’s cancer was more serious, so I stayed with him more. However, I always reminded Kayla and my youngest, Ashlyn, that mommy is always there for them and loves them. Kayla’s illness affected her father more than me because they have a bond like Ashton and me.

 

Two years ago, there was a fire that occurred at our home; my family lost everything; my children had nothing but the clothes on their backs. We are still trying to figure out if my daughter’s ear infection is due to the fire.

 

Relationship with my children

I had to talk to my kids about Ashton being sick and what that means; I explained to them that mommy will have to take care of their brother. The kids would always ask who I love more. Kayla feels a bit jealous because she does not understand why Ashton gets more attention even though she is sick too. However, Ashlyn understands and is always explaining to Kayla why mommy cannot be around. Even though I could not always be there physically, I would try to call them every day to maintain an emotional connection.

I sleep with the kids every night. Everyone needs to be attached to mommy in some way; Kayla is on my belly, Ashton in my hand and Ashlyn on my chest. This is our time when I try to connect with them.

My children know that they have to go to church no matter what—another time we get to be all together. When we go to our church, Cunjal Open Bible, we sing and praise the Lord together and it brings us closer.

 

Relationship with my husband

My relationship with my husband changed when Ashton got sick. We began to argue a great deal but, we always knew we had each other. My husband is the breadwinner in our family. Having to be away from work was hard for him, but we needed him at home too. I needed his support and our children needed him. It is always a problem when he has to take time off.

 

Support

As a mother of three, I don’t get much time to myself. Like I said, I sleep with my kids so that means even in my sleep I’m not alone.

When I have a minute to myself I use it to pray for my children and my family. Family is very important to me and it hurts that we aren’t that close. I get support from my in-laws and I’m very thankful. When you’re closer to your family, you feel like you have the ability to move forward in life with a great support system at your side.

I thank God for our church too. They are my support system and like a second family. Members of the church are always praying for us and they call me almost every day to see if I’m in need of anything.

 

Future for Ashton

I believe that by the grace of God Ashton will get better and be able to grow up and have a life away from the hospital. I know that I raised him in the church and he will continue to have his morals and be driven by his faith. Even though he is sick, he stilll grabs the mic to sing on the stage. In those moments, I am proud of how I raised him. He is strong, I am confident that he already knows what is right and wrong at this young age.

 

Then Esau looked up and saw the women and children. “Who are these with you?” he asked.  Jacob answered, “They are the children God has graciously given your servant.” Genesis 33:5 (NIV)

 

Submitted by: Chevaughn Joseph

 

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